Victorian Mourning & Grieving Customs

By jt4novels

While most people are familiar with people wearing black during a period of mourning in the old days, many are not aware of additional customs that society expected of grieving families. Many of these customs were most likely imposed upon your own family ancestors. If you enjoy reading historical fiction, it might help to understand some of these customs from fashion to pure superstitions. But first, when exactly was the Victorian period? The Victorian Era stretched through the reign of Queen Victoria (1837-1901). It was the coming of the Industrial Age, a time of great scientific breakthroughs, and an era filled with many social customs and elaborate superstitions. It was a time of mass emigration to the United States from all over the world. How Migrations from Europe Impacted Mourning Customs in America Because of the huge English population that came to America, many of the social and fashion mourning customs so popular in England under Queen Victoria’s reign carried to the U.S. The only difference, is that some of the second and third generations of Americans tended to be a little less strict with these mourning customs, especially those that lived in the wilderness and had to work hard to make ends meet and to survive. Social customs and expectations became less important when it came down to making logical decisions for survival through farming, harvesting and winter needs. Even up until recently, many families still tended to wear black and dark colors when attending funerals and burial ceremonies. This behavior is the lingering effects from expectations handed down from the Victorian era. Victorian Fashion Rules During Mourning Unlike today, there were various stages of mourning attire for particular loved ones, and people adhered to these strict rules, especially in England and many of the well established areas of the US. Mourning was the hardest and lasted the longest for widows. Widows During the first year, widows were expected to refuse all social invitations including weddings and christenings. The only visits allowed were from close relatives and church services. A widow would wear a dress made of black crepe for the first year. Her bonnet was typically made of black crepe with a widow’s cap inside and a dark veil with a deep hem. After the first year and a day, a widow could begin wearing black silk. For the next six months, it would be heavily trimmed in crepe until the eighteenth month. Prior to this no jewelry was acceptable. After two years, a widow was allowed to come out of morning and wear regular colors and jewelry again. However, some considered it more tasteful to continue wearing dark colors and grays in half-mourning for another six months. Death of Parents or a Child People would be in full mourning for a year. The first six months they wore paramatta with crepe trim. Then they would wear three months in black and the last three months in half-mourning. Death of a Sibling People would be in mourning for six months. The first three months they wore crepe and the last three months they wore black attire. Death of Aunts and Uncles They wore black for three months. Death of First Cousins People spent six weeks in black. Ways to Preserve Dead Bodies in the Victorian Era A cooling board was used to keep bodies cool in the summer while waiting for burial. Vinegar water was put on the bodies to keep them from turning dark in the heat. In remote areas, the body may have been temporarily placed in a cooling cellar. Preserving Memories of Loved Ones in Victorian Times Once tiny type photos became available, people would place a black ribbon over the corner of the deceased person’s photo and that is how they carried it. The photo below is an example of a type of photo and black ribbon that was carried by a loved one in mourning. If no photo was available and they could, families would have a photographer take a photo of the deceased person before they buried them. This is especially true of parents mourning their children. Most kept lockets of hair from the deceased to use in jewelry or used the hair in arrangements and frames to remember them. Many families had portraits done with deceased. If the deceased was a child, the father usually held the infant in the family portrait. If the deceased was an adult, they often propped the body up in the family group for the photo with the photographer painting in open eyes. Black cloths were draped over all mirrors in the home. Most kept lockets of hair from the deceased to use in jewelry or used the hair in arrangements and frames to remember them. Victorian Superstitions During the Victorian Era Other Notations Please Note: I am not superstitious and I believe God has gifted us with freedom from these type of strongholds. I know I am free in Christ and I pray that you are. I am only listing them because if we write and read about families who lived in the Victorian era, we need to understand where some of their traditions came from and the motivation behind their behavior and culture. Note about the above images: The main photo of the man and woman in Victorian mourning fashion are two reenactors I met during during a Civil War reenactment at the Bost Grist Mill in 2009. Beverly Capps is the woman in the image and the historical researcher who provided the other images and most of these details. The man in the image beside her is of her brother, but I did not get his full name. 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